This is my only
My one and only
Don't try to stop me
I have a theory

There's a season for good will
A season for sunshine
A season for sickness
And fog in your front room
There's days for a good girl and
Days for a bad girl
And days to keep quiet and hide all the papers.

When God closes a door
Then he opens another
If one man gets tired
Then there's always his brother
And over the hall lies their unmarried sister
Awaken her gently
Offer to F-F-F-F
Find her an ideal man
Gold rings
Temazepam
It's easy (easy)
Love and marriage
Horse and Carriage
Start the car and close the garage - easy (easy)

It's such fun to awake from the most confusing evening off your head
Have a try - identify - who is with you in your bed
With a hop
And a skip
And a dirty, dirty mind
Wonder through our market town
Come and see what you can find

When God....

A delicate romance is
Filling the air
Somewhere between Bridge Street and The Moon On The Square
A sophisticated gentlemen
Strokes the lady's hair
And whispers sweet nothings
Such as:

"Darling. No really. I mean it. I really really love you. I love you. I love you.
I really really mean it. No really. I mean it. I really really love you. I love you. I love you"

He said that she said...I'm not sure if it's true
but the one who used to see that man....
well...
apparently....
she's...
WHAT? lesbian! NO! ARRGH!
There's a season to be jolly
There's a season to get trollied
There's a season to go mating, dating and debating
Who will be the lucky lady
Who will be there are you heterosexual,
homosexual, anyone-who'll-have-me-sexual...?
Those rumours had an awful sting
But nobody can prove a thing
I stumbled home at 7.30
That is why my knees were dirty
Thought I'd covered all my tracks
Nearly had a heart attack
There's CCTV cameras on Abingotn Square.

There's a season....

Right then. I will then. Just watch me.
I really will go home now.
Go home now. Go home now.Ireally really mean it. No really. Imean it. I really will go home now. Go home now. Go home now.

Can I stay?

When God closes a door
Then he laughs at you inadequacies
One mangets tired
'Cos you're not as good at that as he is
Over the hall
Well she's with your old PE teacher

Climb out the window
And wash yourself down
Some might say you're public spirited
Some might say you're a slag.

Don't feel bad.